Love and Goodbye Time
Love and Goodbye Time
My favorite musical artist, Chet Atkins, can’t sing, a fact which he readily acknowledges. Other than a duet with comic Ray Stevens I know of only one recorded performance by Chet. He sang his own composition “I never learned to say Goodbye.” The lyrics dealt with his father’s death and the fact that it had occurred before Chet had been able to tell his father that he loved him or had told him goodbye. Chet had never contemplated his father’s death and was unprepared for it.
Some of us are given advance notice of the death event and have opportunities to tell our loved ones that we love them and are grateful for the many gifts of love and care they have given to us through the years. Yet, this notice is not always easy to recognize. The family doctor may be the one who has the training and experience to determine that the end is near but even then a patient’s strong (or weak) physical condition may make his prediction inaccurate.
We need to remember that dying is a process that may come suddenly in an accident or may extend over a long period of time. Our bodies are made up of many parts and usually they don’t all stop functioning at the same time. The malfunction of one organ may cause others to weaken or stop functioning, giving a domino effect to the dying process and extending it over a long period of time.
The brain is subject to damage from a variety of illnesses that may suddenly cause it to cease a few or a variety of its functions. It may, as when it suffers a stroke, lose its ability to control certain muscle systems of the body. Probably the most devastating injury to the brain is the onslaught of Alzheimer’s disease, breaking of the connection to the library of memories it has accumulated over its years of life. In this situation the remainder of the body may continue to function normally but the person may not be able to remember many of the facts, incidents or persons that make up the history of his life.
In many cases a person may lose the connection to one section of his library but retain memory of other sections. He may not be able to recall where he worked before retirement or where he went to school or where he served in the military and yet may know the names of all the members of his High School graduating class or the names of the kids he played marbles with as a child.
Most of us have experienced the frustration of not being able to remember the name of the preacher who performed our wedding ceremony or spending long seconds trying to recall the name of the Scoutmaster of Troop 6. We can only imagine the frustration of a person who can’t remember such things no matter how long he tries to recall them. For such a person it must be as if a whole list of events and people never existed, the memories of the richness of life contributed by them has been wiped out.
Among the many things lost by such patients are names of family members and family history. After going through the birth process, the diaper period, first day at school, puberty problems and marriage arrangements it is hard to lose a child by having her and all facts surrounding her simply disappear from one’s memory. For the male patient it is sad to be deprived of the memories of a devoted wife, the celebrations of student’s successes at school and on the soccer field and one’s vocation with its problems and achievements. Oh, so many things are lost—forever.
These thoughts bring us back to the idea that it is important to do some important things while we are able to do them and while the ones we love are able to comprehend our actions. It is important that we take care to tell our loved ones sincerely and often, at every opportunity, that we love them and are proud and happy to have them and the beautiful memories associated with them. It is extremely difficult for one to fully comprehend the importance of these actions—until the time has come when it is too late to do them.
Jerry Clements 2/20/05
My favorite musical artist, Chet Atkins, can’t sing, a fact which he readily acknowledges. Other than a duet with comic Ray Stevens I know of only one recorded performance by Chet. He sang his own composition “I never learned to say Goodbye.” The lyrics dealt with his father’s death and the fact that it had occurred before Chet had been able to tell his father that he loved him or had told him goodbye. Chet had never contemplated his father’s death and was unprepared for it.
Some of us are given advance notice of the death event and have opportunities to tell our loved ones that we love them and are grateful for the many gifts of love and care they have given to us through the years. Yet, this notice is not always easy to recognize. The family doctor may be the one who has the training and experience to determine that the end is near but even then a patient’s strong (or weak) physical condition may make his prediction inaccurate.
We need to remember that dying is a process that may come suddenly in an accident or may extend over a long period of time. Our bodies are made up of many parts and usually they don’t all stop functioning at the same time. The malfunction of one organ may cause others to weaken or stop functioning, giving a domino effect to the dying process and extending it over a long period of time.
The brain is subject to damage from a variety of illnesses that may suddenly cause it to cease a few or a variety of its functions. It may, as when it suffers a stroke, lose its ability to control certain muscle systems of the body. Probably the most devastating injury to the brain is the onslaught of Alzheimer’s disease, breaking of the connection to the library of memories it has accumulated over its years of life. In this situation the remainder of the body may continue to function normally but the person may not be able to remember many of the facts, incidents or persons that make up the history of his life.
In many cases a person may lose the connection to one section of his library but retain memory of other sections. He may not be able to recall where he worked before retirement or where he went to school or where he served in the military and yet may know the names of all the members of his High School graduating class or the names of the kids he played marbles with as a child.
Most of us have experienced the frustration of not being able to remember the name of the preacher who performed our wedding ceremony or spending long seconds trying to recall the name of the Scoutmaster of Troop 6. We can only imagine the frustration of a person who can’t remember such things no matter how long he tries to recall them. For such a person it must be as if a whole list of events and people never existed, the memories of the richness of life contributed by them has been wiped out.
Among the many things lost by such patients are names of family members and family history. After going through the birth process, the diaper period, first day at school, puberty problems and marriage arrangements it is hard to lose a child by having her and all facts surrounding her simply disappear from one’s memory. For the male patient it is sad to be deprived of the memories of a devoted wife, the celebrations of student’s successes at school and on the soccer field and one’s vocation with its problems and achievements. Oh, so many things are lost—forever.
These thoughts bring us back to the idea that it is important to do some important things while we are able to do them and while the ones we love are able to comprehend our actions. It is important that we take care to tell our loved ones sincerely and often, at every opportunity, that we love them and are proud and happy to have them and the beautiful memories associated with them. It is extremely difficult for one to fully comprehend the importance of these actions—until the time has come when it is too late to do them.
Jerry Clements 2/20/05
posted by Jeremiah | 3:03 PM
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