Managing the Seasons of Life
Managing the Seasons of Life
The beginning of life is a celebrated season of awe, joy and wonder. We see the baby emerge from the mother as a hunk of soft, red tissue. It has the form of a child, appears to be alive with the appropriate appendages. The parents are thrilled when they hear its first confirmation of life in its response to the customary spank on its bottom.
A variety of impressions may have been made on the mind of the unborn child by soft music played in the mother’s presence or by tender talk by the mother. Likewise rough or angry talk may have left its impressions on the mind of the baby. Several experts have opinions about these sounds and the probability that they will influence the nature and personality of the baby.
For the purposes of this paper we take no position regarding these matters.
The essential fact is that we have a baby, a new statistic in the census records. Whatever else may be on its mind, we know that nature endowed it with instincts to squirm and search for nourishment. As its mouth searches for food and its eyes look for friendly faces the mind begins its adventure in this new, strange environment. The mind learns quickly that the body has limitations which may be frustrating. However, the frustrations don’t stop the instinctive drive of the mind to grow, and to learn that there are a variety of ways to achieve its goals.
Each trial and error sequence brings a step of progress in the mind’s development and in the strengthening of the body. It isn’t long before the mind comes to realize that it is enclosed in a body and that it can communicate with that body to achieve its objectives. A little later the baby learns that the staring eyes and faces are parts of bodies who care for it and who appear to want to help it acquire food and to improve its comfort in its new environment.
On and on it goes. Many things are happening in its body and all around it. All of these happenings help the baby’s brain and body develop. And, one day, we begin to call the baby “ child” and recognize that there is a new person in our midst. We promote the child from the “it” category to a “her” or “he”. The child learns that he can manipulate his parents by certain sounds or actions and doesn’t hesitate to exploit this knowledge. He realizes that he can remember things that happened earlier and can imagine things she would like to see happen in the future. Yes, he grasps the concept of future and can look forward to it.
When the child is born into a family with other children he must go through a period of learning how to win the cooperation of his siblings. He tries persuasion, threat, connivance or actual violence to gain acquiescence and become “King of the hill”. The good parent sees these rivalries develop and, at the appropriate time, steps in with the good news that the game “King of the Hill” is more accurately called King of a Hill. He explains that a football team may have a person who is best at the quarterback position, another who is the best at returning punts and yet another who is best at kicking field goals and extra points. A person who feels that he is the best player on the team may find that another player, in an unenvied position may be the one who makes the play that wins the game. One child may be smarter in math, another in English and another may excel in science. The important goal is for each child to be the best he can be, without envying the sibling who does better in his particular field of interest. Everyone can be King of ‘his’ hill.
It is at a time along here that a person is “born”. It seems like it has been a long time since he left the mother’s body, and tremendous changes have taken place in what actually has been a very short period of time. At last we have a person, a being with a brain coordinated with a body. Yes, we can say that we have a person who has successfully completed the birth process. We have a living unit that can turn the world upside down, can achieve things deemed impossible by its parents and can lead its generation into a new, much improved world. The child doesn’t yet think about these possibilities, it is busy learning how to use a spoon and how to tie shoe strings. The future will have to wait its turn.
The next stage of development will take the child through toilet training, kindergarten and school. This stage is accompanied by further dramatic and startling changes brought on by the body’s hormonal activity and its schedule of growth and development . These changes slip up on the child and the best of care may not explain satisfactorily what is happening to the child’s body and mind. At this point the parent needs to be an expert in child psychology and to have a deep loving concern for the child. It is here that the parent has the great and challenging opportunity to give the child the tools and communication skills he will need to deal successfully with siblings, classmates and the other incidental beings he will bump into along the way to maturity.
The child moves into adulthood in the midst of all manner of doubts, fears and anxieties. Fortunately, our subject has had a favorable environment at home, with wise parents and good teachers at school and has gained knowledge and skill that will enable him to deal with the problems that are sure to arise upon his entry into the workforce.
Whatever his employment, problems will arise that require attention by our subject and resolving some of them may lose friends or even create enemies. There will be situations that challenge his integrity and his resolve. There may be serious conflicts between what he was taught and what appear to be satisfactory solutions, accompanied by temptation to compromise his principles. It is in working through such problems that we find confirmation of his character and the resolution and firmness he needs to stand firm for the right in future conflicts. Each positive decision along the way serves to strengthen the respect of his associates, family and friends. He earns the right to a retirement of satisfaction and comfortable, pleasant living.
Retirement brings to our person a new stage of life with a new set of problems. He must develop a new set of routines to replace the work habits of the past. He needs to make a new set of friends and activity partners. It will be a matter of time until he notices more frequent appearance of friends and relatives in the obituary columns of the local newspaper. Then the man encounters the most trying loss of his life, the death of his life partner, leaving him in a state of aloneness like he had never imagined. He is sustained by family and friends and the knowledge that many of his friends and associates have already experienced this type of loss, and that death is a natural part of life that all of us must experience.
It is about here that our subject experiences the onset of reverse development. Denial is the usual response, but acquaintances notice the minor changes and hope they are temporary. The person loses contact with old friends, his memories associated with his school, job and his war service become less vivid. He has increasing difficulty telling of his experiences in a logical, coherent manner. Dates and times of appointments are more difficult to remember and excuses for failure to meet for lunch are needed more often.
Here we enter into the field of speculation about life and death. We may view death as a happening defined by the time the doctor is called in to sign the death certificate. Or we may consider death as the time when the person’s mind has become incapable of reasoned judgment, when the person is not able to recognize the persons around him and when his mind loses voluntary control of his body; leaving its functions to its involuntary operations.
At this point we encounter a variety of opinion too numerous to catalog. Emotions and reason struggle, and emotions are usually victorious. But, frequently, the reward for victory is heart break and grief. The trouble grows out of our failure to recognize the subject’s condition as a step in what we call his “ reverse development” schedule. When this concept is accepted, sensitive and caring persons are able to find ways to help the person with the problems as they arise, and to search out innovative ways to relieve his anxieties and keep him as happy as possible under the changing circumstances.
If we could agree to view death as a process that is the reverse of the early days of babyhood we could assist the dying person in the death process just as we assisted him in the early stages of development we call the birth stage. We could listen to his verbal wandering with genuine interest, and encourage him to talk more about his lifetime experiences. We could make ourselves available to assist with any [I mean ANY] query or need he might have, even when those needs are only imagined. We could give him the things he wants and we could keep him comfortable and assured of our love. We could insure his going through the process of dying with dignity.
When we accept dying as a natural process in one’s life cycle we can learn to handle all stages of the death process with as much tender love as we did in the subject’s birth process. We can accept the diminishment of mental ability as a simple reversal of his mental growth experienced in the very early days of his life. With effort we can remember the many activities and attitudes he exhibited during his prime period of life that distinguished him in his home and community. Such remembrances will enable us to envision the greatness of the man in the totality of his years. This, really, is what we are obliged to do and this will enable us to remember the man as we really wish to remember him.
Finally, all of us are implored to view and respect a person’s life as the sum of its seasons, all beautiful in their own way and in their own time.
Jerry
3/5/04
The beginning of life is a celebrated season of awe, joy and wonder. We see the baby emerge from the mother as a hunk of soft, red tissue. It has the form of a child, appears to be alive with the appropriate appendages. The parents are thrilled when they hear its first confirmation of life in its response to the customary spank on its bottom.
A variety of impressions may have been made on the mind of the unborn child by soft music played in the mother’s presence or by tender talk by the mother. Likewise rough or angry talk may have left its impressions on the mind of the baby. Several experts have opinions about these sounds and the probability that they will influence the nature and personality of the baby.
For the purposes of this paper we take no position regarding these matters.
The essential fact is that we have a baby, a new statistic in the census records. Whatever else may be on its mind, we know that nature endowed it with instincts to squirm and search for nourishment. As its mouth searches for food and its eyes look for friendly faces the mind begins its adventure in this new, strange environment. The mind learns quickly that the body has limitations which may be frustrating. However, the frustrations don’t stop the instinctive drive of the mind to grow, and to learn that there are a variety of ways to achieve its goals.
Each trial and error sequence brings a step of progress in the mind’s development and in the strengthening of the body. It isn’t long before the mind comes to realize that it is enclosed in a body and that it can communicate with that body to achieve its objectives. A little later the baby learns that the staring eyes and faces are parts of bodies who care for it and who appear to want to help it acquire food and to improve its comfort in its new environment.
On and on it goes. Many things are happening in its body and all around it. All of these happenings help the baby’s brain and body develop. And, one day, we begin to call the baby “ child” and recognize that there is a new person in our midst. We promote the child from the “it” category to a “her” or “he”. The child learns that he can manipulate his parents by certain sounds or actions and doesn’t hesitate to exploit this knowledge. He realizes that he can remember things that happened earlier and can imagine things she would like to see happen in the future. Yes, he grasps the concept of future and can look forward to it.
When the child is born into a family with other children he must go through a period of learning how to win the cooperation of his siblings. He tries persuasion, threat, connivance or actual violence to gain acquiescence and become “King of the hill”. The good parent sees these rivalries develop and, at the appropriate time, steps in with the good news that the game “King of the Hill” is more accurately called King of a Hill. He explains that a football team may have a person who is best at the quarterback position, another who is the best at returning punts and yet another who is best at kicking field goals and extra points. A person who feels that he is the best player on the team may find that another player, in an unenvied position may be the one who makes the play that wins the game. One child may be smarter in math, another in English and another may excel in science. The important goal is for each child to be the best he can be, without envying the sibling who does better in his particular field of interest. Everyone can be King of ‘his’ hill.
It is at a time along here that a person is “born”. It seems like it has been a long time since he left the mother’s body, and tremendous changes have taken place in what actually has been a very short period of time. At last we have a person, a being with a brain coordinated with a body. Yes, we can say that we have a person who has successfully completed the birth process. We have a living unit that can turn the world upside down, can achieve things deemed impossible by its parents and can lead its generation into a new, much improved world. The child doesn’t yet think about these possibilities, it is busy learning how to use a spoon and how to tie shoe strings. The future will have to wait its turn.
The next stage of development will take the child through toilet training, kindergarten and school. This stage is accompanied by further dramatic and startling changes brought on by the body’s hormonal activity and its schedule of growth and development . These changes slip up on the child and the best of care may not explain satisfactorily what is happening to the child’s body and mind. At this point the parent needs to be an expert in child psychology and to have a deep loving concern for the child. It is here that the parent has the great and challenging opportunity to give the child the tools and communication skills he will need to deal successfully with siblings, classmates and the other incidental beings he will bump into along the way to maturity.
The child moves into adulthood in the midst of all manner of doubts, fears and anxieties. Fortunately, our subject has had a favorable environment at home, with wise parents and good teachers at school and has gained knowledge and skill that will enable him to deal with the problems that are sure to arise upon his entry into the workforce.
Whatever his employment, problems will arise that require attention by our subject and resolving some of them may lose friends or even create enemies. There will be situations that challenge his integrity and his resolve. There may be serious conflicts between what he was taught and what appear to be satisfactory solutions, accompanied by temptation to compromise his principles. It is in working through such problems that we find confirmation of his character and the resolution and firmness he needs to stand firm for the right in future conflicts. Each positive decision along the way serves to strengthen the respect of his associates, family and friends. He earns the right to a retirement of satisfaction and comfortable, pleasant living.
Retirement brings to our person a new stage of life with a new set of problems. He must develop a new set of routines to replace the work habits of the past. He needs to make a new set of friends and activity partners. It will be a matter of time until he notices more frequent appearance of friends and relatives in the obituary columns of the local newspaper. Then the man encounters the most trying loss of his life, the death of his life partner, leaving him in a state of aloneness like he had never imagined. He is sustained by family and friends and the knowledge that many of his friends and associates have already experienced this type of loss, and that death is a natural part of life that all of us must experience.
It is about here that our subject experiences the onset of reverse development. Denial is the usual response, but acquaintances notice the minor changes and hope they are temporary. The person loses contact with old friends, his memories associated with his school, job and his war service become less vivid. He has increasing difficulty telling of his experiences in a logical, coherent manner. Dates and times of appointments are more difficult to remember and excuses for failure to meet for lunch are needed more often.
Here we enter into the field of speculation about life and death. We may view death as a happening defined by the time the doctor is called in to sign the death certificate. Or we may consider death as the time when the person’s mind has become incapable of reasoned judgment, when the person is not able to recognize the persons around him and when his mind loses voluntary control of his body; leaving its functions to its involuntary operations.
At this point we encounter a variety of opinion too numerous to catalog. Emotions and reason struggle, and emotions are usually victorious. But, frequently, the reward for victory is heart break and grief. The trouble grows out of our failure to recognize the subject’s condition as a step in what we call his “ reverse development” schedule. When this concept is accepted, sensitive and caring persons are able to find ways to help the person with the problems as they arise, and to search out innovative ways to relieve his anxieties and keep him as happy as possible under the changing circumstances.
If we could agree to view death as a process that is the reverse of the early days of babyhood we could assist the dying person in the death process just as we assisted him in the early stages of development we call the birth stage. We could listen to his verbal wandering with genuine interest, and encourage him to talk more about his lifetime experiences. We could make ourselves available to assist with any [I mean ANY] query or need he might have, even when those needs are only imagined. We could give him the things he wants and we could keep him comfortable and assured of our love. We could insure his going through the process of dying with dignity.
When we accept dying as a natural process in one’s life cycle we can learn to handle all stages of the death process with as much tender love as we did in the subject’s birth process. We can accept the diminishment of mental ability as a simple reversal of his mental growth experienced in the very early days of his life. With effort we can remember the many activities and attitudes he exhibited during his prime period of life that distinguished him in his home and community. Such remembrances will enable us to envision the greatness of the man in the totality of his years. This, really, is what we are obliged to do and this will enable us to remember the man as we really wish to remember him.
Finally, all of us are implored to view and respect a person’s life as the sum of its seasons, all beautiful in their own way and in their own time.
Jerry
3/5/04
posted by Jeremiah | 10:11 PM
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The other Judie Dyer
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