Design Your Exit Strategy - Final Version
Design Your Exit Strategy
Each of us goes through the process of dying one time, and only one time. So it is important that we get it right the first time. Dying is not really a difficult feat, but since there is no published protocol on the subject, each individual is left to work out a procedure that best suits his wishes. This absence of protocol is a stumbling block for those conscientious persons who wish to make the best of the very bad situation, but who defer action until it is too late to work out an individual, yet dignified, plan for their departing this life. Without a plan one is apt to make mistakes, say improper things or fail to do important things that would be helpful to his survivors.
Most of us are not very well organized persons. At any particular moment, especially after his demise, one can expect to find all sorts of things out of place and a variety of unfinished tasks around his residence. There will be items of no value stored in ‘safe’ places and valuable items stored with piles of junk that definitely belong in the garbage. His writings, photographs, souvenirs and collections that might be very valuable to future generations will be found strewn about without labels, dates or subject notations, making them susceptible to being thrown into the Dumpster.
In a Senior Living Community environment, where dying is becoming more and more common, many of the departing ones have done nothing about their approaching demise other than making a few remarks like “When its my time to go I’ll be ready”, “We all have to go sometime”, or ”So long, its been good to know you”. It is easy to be critical of such attitudes of negative interest. Yet, from the viewpoint of the dying person it may be that he truly feels that it doesn’t really matter. If the deceased had organized a plan of departure, had completed all of his projects and left a clean desk, probably the only comment would be: “ He tied up all the loose ends.”
Long before making plans for death and burial, while the individual is rational in mind and strong in body every person should organize a plan that will make it easier for his survivors to settle his estate according to his wishes and to manage his financial and contractual matters in a satisfactory manner. To make sure that complete and accurate information will be available to those needing it, a reputable Estate Planning firm should be employed to assist in assembling the data and placing it in logical, easy to understand document for the subject person. It should be kept in a place known to all the members of the family.
In dealing with the various Seasons of Life one is apt to underrate the importance of the death process. It is easy to feel that it will come in its time, with or without planning and preparation. Few people would wish for its early arrival or anticipate it as a joyful experience. Yet, serious thought will identify it as an event that will make some persons very sad at the same time that it brings improved financial standing and happiness to others.
Whatever one’s attitude about the death process, we should recognize it as our final opportunity to face our life, from beginning to end, and settle up our accounts. It may involve payment of financial obligations or it may be clearing up misunderstandings. It may involve expressions of gratitude or making complimentary or encouraging remarks to individuals.
Recognizing the beginning of the death process is not an easy task. Its very existence is usually denied unless the doctor prescribes Hospice Service or the hospital physician places one on the Do Not Resuscitate list. Regardless of the personal attitude of the individual, there are subtle, often overlooked signs that identify the beginning of the process of dying. The individual and many relatives may deny or attempt to explain away the signs of the approaching end.
In most cases [accidental and catastrophic instances excepted] the process starts with simple, little noticed incidents. One stops attending exercise classes or drops out of activities such as square dancing, bridge playing or hiking in the woods. Newspapers and favorite magazines accumulate, unread on the table. Few people would identify these as the beginning of the death process, but they do indicate that something is afoot.
The death process may progress very slowly or very fast and it is important that everyone involved strive to identify the events involved in the process and stay aware of the pace of its development. Nothing should be done that would speed it up, and if possible it should be slowed. In some cases, with appropriate treatment, it may be arrested. What I mean is the process may be put off to a later time, but this deferral should not be allowed to become another form of denial. During any period of delay the subject’s activities, concerns and attitudes should be observed closely.
It is at this time that a responsible and trusted family member or friend should earn their position of trust by communicating their love to the individual and offer counsel and assistance, of whatever kind, as acceptable to the dying person. Whatever the approach, it should be serious and sincere, worthy of consideration by the individual—just as much as if the individual were within hours of his final breath. The individual may reject the offer with declarations of denial but this denial must be seen and dealt with in a manner that inspires faith and respect. In this serious confrontation the friend continues to respond with the finest and kindest deeds possible, and hopefully the individual will recognize the deeds for their full, true value.
When the beginning of the process has been confirmed the subject needs to be assured of our desire to be of assistance in any way possible. Clearly, the person should not be made to feel any sense of urgency to meet some schedule his friends have decided upon, yet observation and judgment may dictate leadership toward getting the task completed before a death occurs. Counsel of the person’s physician, who must be considered a member of the assistance team, will help in the program timing.
The success of the assistance program will be recognized when the dying subject, of his own volition, announces that he feels good about the process and is ready to accept the final amen. No compensation for our efforts can be greater than our hearing that declaration.
Jeremiah 6/12/04
Each of us goes through the process of dying one time, and only one time. So it is important that we get it right the first time. Dying is not really a difficult feat, but since there is no published protocol on the subject, each individual is left to work out a procedure that best suits his wishes. This absence of protocol is a stumbling block for those conscientious persons who wish to make the best of the very bad situation, but who defer action until it is too late to work out an individual, yet dignified, plan for their departing this life. Without a plan one is apt to make mistakes, say improper things or fail to do important things that would be helpful to his survivors.
Most of us are not very well organized persons. At any particular moment, especially after his demise, one can expect to find all sorts of things out of place and a variety of unfinished tasks around his residence. There will be items of no value stored in ‘safe’ places and valuable items stored with piles of junk that definitely belong in the garbage. His writings, photographs, souvenirs and collections that might be very valuable to future generations will be found strewn about without labels, dates or subject notations, making them susceptible to being thrown into the Dumpster.
In a Senior Living Community environment, where dying is becoming more and more common, many of the departing ones have done nothing about their approaching demise other than making a few remarks like “When its my time to go I’ll be ready”, “We all have to go sometime”, or ”So long, its been good to know you”. It is easy to be critical of such attitudes of negative interest. Yet, from the viewpoint of the dying person it may be that he truly feels that it doesn’t really matter. If the deceased had organized a plan of departure, had completed all of his projects and left a clean desk, probably the only comment would be: “ He tied up all the loose ends.”
Long before making plans for death and burial, while the individual is rational in mind and strong in body every person should organize a plan that will make it easier for his survivors to settle his estate according to his wishes and to manage his financial and contractual matters in a satisfactory manner. To make sure that complete and accurate information will be available to those needing it, a reputable Estate Planning firm should be employed to assist in assembling the data and placing it in logical, easy to understand document for the subject person. It should be kept in a place known to all the members of the family.
In dealing with the various Seasons of Life one is apt to underrate the importance of the death process. It is easy to feel that it will come in its time, with or without planning and preparation. Few people would wish for its early arrival or anticipate it as a joyful experience. Yet, serious thought will identify it as an event that will make some persons very sad at the same time that it brings improved financial standing and happiness to others.
Whatever one’s attitude about the death process, we should recognize it as our final opportunity to face our life, from beginning to end, and settle up our accounts. It may involve payment of financial obligations or it may be clearing up misunderstandings. It may involve expressions of gratitude or making complimentary or encouraging remarks to individuals.
Recognizing the beginning of the death process is not an easy task. Its very existence is usually denied unless the doctor prescribes Hospice Service or the hospital physician places one on the Do Not Resuscitate list. Regardless of the personal attitude of the individual, there are subtle, often overlooked signs that identify the beginning of the process of dying. The individual and many relatives may deny or attempt to explain away the signs of the approaching end.
In most cases [accidental and catastrophic instances excepted] the process starts with simple, little noticed incidents. One stops attending exercise classes or drops out of activities such as square dancing, bridge playing or hiking in the woods. Newspapers and favorite magazines accumulate, unread on the table. Few people would identify these as the beginning of the death process, but they do indicate that something is afoot.
The death process may progress very slowly or very fast and it is important that everyone involved strive to identify the events involved in the process and stay aware of the pace of its development. Nothing should be done that would speed it up, and if possible it should be slowed. In some cases, with appropriate treatment, it may be arrested. What I mean is the process may be put off to a later time, but this deferral should not be allowed to become another form of denial. During any period of delay the subject’s activities, concerns and attitudes should be observed closely.
It is at this time that a responsible and trusted family member or friend should earn their position of trust by communicating their love to the individual and offer counsel and assistance, of whatever kind, as acceptable to the dying person. Whatever the approach, it should be serious and sincere, worthy of consideration by the individual—just as much as if the individual were within hours of his final breath. The individual may reject the offer with declarations of denial but this denial must be seen and dealt with in a manner that inspires faith and respect. In this serious confrontation the friend continues to respond with the finest and kindest deeds possible, and hopefully the individual will recognize the deeds for their full, true value.
When the beginning of the process has been confirmed the subject needs to be assured of our desire to be of assistance in any way possible. Clearly, the person should not be made to feel any sense of urgency to meet some schedule his friends have decided upon, yet observation and judgment may dictate leadership toward getting the task completed before a death occurs. Counsel of the person’s physician, who must be considered a member of the assistance team, will help in the program timing.
The success of the assistance program will be recognized when the dying subject, of his own volition, announces that he feels good about the process and is ready to accept the final amen. No compensation for our efforts can be greater than our hearing that declaration.
Jeremiah 6/12/04
posted by Jeremiah | 10:44 AM
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